Heartburn, reflux, sitting up dead awake, exhausted sleepy, unable to maintain a restorative sleep. Understanding the “write for 20 minutes stream” means typing for twenty minutes. Flooded with guilt about what I have not accomplished in the winter months, how unprepared I am for the winter months ahead. The demands of pre-scheduled activities for the coming rush to tourist season breaks spring without a spring break. Summer seems unbearable when a 73 degree day felt too hot to think. Acclimating is a greatly descriptive term! I’m so rebellious. Having looked to this time for so long, inertia has a grip on me! Soothing coffee. Contact list. Phone charger, filled mechanical pencil with new white, clean eraser I am poised. Don’t get in my way in the next 30 days. I will be battling nature for a chance to get ahead. Pre-poison ivy. Pre-garden, pre-mowing! Ugh. Need for pure sunshine. Need to be responsible. Must pack up my history so I can have a future. Spring Cleaning came early. Hibernation wearing off so slowly in the gloom. Mud. ugh. Pussywillows in full bloom may be too late to pick already! Pollen. meds, shots, appointments. ugh. Laundry doldrums, inconvenience. Eating, sleeping; inconveniences. I want to work and concentrate and research and sell. I want intuitive partners who will know what to do and do it and present results before I can ask. (i think) Evolution. Change. Stress. Why are they synonymous? Why can’t i let go and move on? Loose ends! TIE THEM UP! Make it a personal challenge! What IF it was a flood coming, or fire, or eviction? Weigh the options. Open mind, open eyes to consequences of actions or inactivity! Twenty minutes? When did I start? Straight up on the hour. Get some news! right. So I learned that “imope” callous remover (GROSS) works on dry feet in a hurry and some $29 fiber lash extender works in a hurry better than mascara. TV from the white house gardens. (no coats on) Preschool cartoons, Old reruns of Everyone Loves Raymond (NOT) 3 more days of rain and cold. Click! OFF! ugh. Need to choose how to optimize my time. Graphs. timelines. How much is left? Jar of marbles illustration on the way hope the glass is strong enough for 110 year representation. Will i be willing to let go then? Friends with no choice. Friends on the other side already. The promised peace of it seems so inviting. Don’t want a mess left behind. MUST attack the phone list promptly. Push thru, new goals will surface, new timelines to achieve them. ugh. Confidence mask on. Check. Good breakfast and vitamins. Check. List… like a marathon relay race DIVE IN!